


Cut me some slack, take pity on me, just entertain the notion that you could have me

by resplendentRegurgitation



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23779333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resplendentRegurgitation/pseuds/resplendentRegurgitation
Summary: John's feelings are a complicated mess of admiration and respect and friendship and attraction and he's decided to be honest, because Dirk's always been honest with him.
Relationships: Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider/John Egbert
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Cut me some slack, take pity on me, just entertain the notion that you could have me

**Author's Note:**

> Will probably go for a total of 2-3 "chapters"  
> My goal is to write this as an honest and sincere and very human moment in time.

It wasn't that he talked a lot, because he didn't. He was just honest. And you had questions.

Questions that filled the time waiting for Dave's after-school detentions, fencing practices, band practices, more after-school detentions. You would head straight to Dave's apartment from school and he would catch up with you later. Politely, you would let yourself in - the door was never locked - and set your belongings down where miscellaneous boots and sandals heaped on the floor. You'd make yourself comfortable on the couch, pick up a wayward comic book or scroll through television channels.

And sometimes he was home.

You'd make polite conversation, ask him how his day was, what he was up to. Growing up you just came to learn more and more about the guy. You knew that Dave had a strange relationship with his brother and you weren't one to pry for specifics. But to you he wasn't Bro, or some enigma, some ineffable force of nature, or even really that bad of a dude. He was just your best friend's older brother, probably trying just as hard as Dave to make the best out of a shitty situation.

He was just some guy named Dirk and sometimes he was home.

Over the years you realized that Dirk was made up of so many multitudes, it made your head spin. There was of course the stuff that he purposely molded his image around, like anime and sick beats and swords and puppets, they were legitimate facets - albeit _shitty_ facets - of what made him up as a person. But there was also the odd mix-matched things.

He was a fan of Clint Eastwood movies and listened to Barenaked Ladies, Wilco, Drive-By Truckers. He smoked weed but only occasionally, when he couldn't fall asleep at night. He broke his nose a total of three times from skateboarding mishaps and he can't smell things quite right because of it. He'd perfected how to make pie crust that doesn't crumble at the touch - the trick is using more water than you think you need. He attended college for one and a half years to be an accountant, then dropped out because he couldn't stand the people he was in class with. 

"Surrounded by people constantly that I just didn't get, didn't want to be around... Just made me think if that was really the career for me, or the path for me, or whatever. Couldn't stand them and I looked at myself, and it just made me think." 

You nodded to yourself, slowly. You were home for winter break, your first college semester in the bag. 

You had let yourself in politely, the door unlocked, and Dirk was home. 

He had grabbed a beer for you from the fridge, handed it to you without a smirk or any joking, but as a sincere gesture, welcoming you back. 

You pulled the tab and took a drink before speaking. 

"When did you realize?" you asked. "That the people, that the school weren't for you?" 

Dirk shrugged, cracking his own beer can. "I probably always knew it a little bit, but I didn't pay it much mind until starting that second year. Eventually just came to terms with the fact that..." He paused, taking his cap by the brim and scratching his forehead. "That I wasn't cut out for it. Felt bad, mainly thinking about how Dave might feel about me quitting." 

You looked at your wristwatch, seeing how much more of a wait until Dave got off from work. He copped a gig at a cellphone repair shop, waiting a year or two before deciding on continuing his education. "I'm sure that Dave was proud that you at least tried" you said, wiping at your watch's glass face with the sleeve of your shirt. "How old was he back then?" 

Dirk whistled, putting his beverage between his thighs while he counted on his fingers. "I don't know, six? How old are you shits anyway?" 

You laughed. "I've only _just_ made it to nineteen." 

"Shit, congratulations." He raised his beer can to meet your own, clinking the aluminum together. 

"Thanks. It doesn't feel like such an accomplishment, though." 

"Growing old never does." 

"You're blowing my mind over here, Dirk." You took a moment to study his profile from where he sat straddling the arm of the sofa. His signature shades were folded and hanging from the collar of his shirt and the bags under his eyes looked like they were more than skin-deep. His mouth was pulled down in a neutral expression and when he raised his can to his lips he paused for a few breaths before drinking. "You sleeping okay?" you asked.

He looked down at you where you were laid out on the couch, an eyebrow raised. "Just fine." But Dirk was always honest. "No. No, I'm not." He tilted his head back, drained the rest of his can, and crushed it in one hand. You watched the veins in his arm flex with the motion. "Want another?" He pointed at your beer.

"Yeah, thanks."

As he lifted himself from the couch, walking back toward the kitchen, you were overwhelmed by how much you wished you were older. Older like Dirk. You wished you'd been alive the extra twelve years he had on you so that he didn't feel so far away. You hated how much you wanted him to respect you, be impressed by you, to just simply _like_ you as a person. He was so interesting to you and you could just talk with him for hours, you wanted to listen to him for hours.

But you couldn't help feeling like...

...he just wasn't that into you. 


End file.
